Nonetheless, I've always felt motivated in my life to be consistently improving myself in one way or another. Searching for utter bliss. I found it once. Summer 2011. I was in Rossland, BC doing a summer theatre contract. It was one of our days off and the cast had driven to the next town over to have a BBQ beach day. I remember lying on my towel in the grass, in my bathing suit and holding some kind of sweet, orange, alcoholic beverage in my hand, and looking over at my friends lying beside me and thinking "This is bliss. Life can't get any better than this moment right now." I had found it and I was on top of the world.
Naturally, summer must end and the contract came to a close. I was determined to replicate that feeling once I moved to Vancouver. I loved Vancouver. It had been my dream to live here for as long as I could remember. I still love Vancouver, but bliss doesn't come from just living in a great city.
I've watched my mom play victim her whole life. I don't think I've ever seen her truly happy. There is always something going wrong in her life. Why? I know God doesn't hate her. She's a great person so it shouldn't be karma. So what then? For years I feared that I would turn out like her. I would fight every similarity between us that arose with some justified reason to how I was different. I couldn't accept our common traits or I would end up alone and unhappy. Finally it dawned on me. There was one thing, one area, where my mother and I have always been different - Perspective. We view the world very differently. I believe happiness comes from within. I think my mom believes that it comes from external sources. To me, happiness is my responsibility. I believe in the Secret, the law of attraction. It's always worked for me. I feel happy and I try to rub it off on my mom, but I feel like she resorts it to me being 20. How could I be unhappy? I have everything I want, don't I? Everything is going according to plan, right?
Well not necessarily. I'd be lying if I said that I was 100% content with my life. Of course, there are things in my life that I LOVE right now. The fact that I haven't taken a break from doing shows in basically three years now. My place. My roommate. My friends. But there are a couple things I wish I had. A boyfriend. Money. Stability. Family close by. I want to show my mom though that we can be happy without men and without dream houses and without a ton of money. I thought maybe the best way to teach her was be by being an example. Show her that I can do it, so she can too. I heard about the book "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Ruben and knew it would be a great jumping off point. So I suggested that her and I read it together. We have a weekly reading goal and then I call her every Sunday to talk about it. She agreed, probably because otherwise I would call her less than once a month.
