How to Attain Self-Confidence: Step Two

Step Two:

Do a S.W.O.T. Analysis. 

Divide your page into 4 equal sized boxes. In each box, ask yourself the following questions. 

Strengths	Weaknesses
Opportunities	Threats

Strengths

What do you have that other people don't have? (any advantages you have over others. Ex: skills, certifications, education, connections, etc)

What do you do better than anyone else? What do you do well in general?

What personal resources can you access? What unique resources can you draw on?

What do other people see as your strengths?

Which of your achievements are you the most proud of? 

What values do you believe in that others fail to exhibit?

Are you part of a network or group that no one else is involved in? If you are, what connections do you have because of that? What influential people do you know because of that?

Consider this from your own point of view and from the point of view of those around you. Don't be modest or shy. Be objective and don't be afraid to "float your own boat".

If you are having difficulty, start writing down some personal characteristics. Some of them will be strengths.

Weaknesses

What tasks do you usually avoid because you don't feel confident doing them?

What do the people around you see as your weaknesses?

Are you completely confident in your education and skills training? If not, where are you weakest?

What are you negative work habits? (Ex: Are you often late or running behind? Disorganized? Do you get upset or angry easily? Are you poor at handling stressful situation, or stress in general?) 

Do you have personality traits that hold you back? (Ex: Fear of public speaking)

Again, consider this from a personal/internal perspective, as well as an external perspective. Do other people see weaknesses that you don't see? Are you constantly being outperformed in certain areas? Be honest and realistic. It's best to face this stuff as soon as possible. Spend some time thinking, praying, or meditating on your weaknesses. How do you feel about them? Are you okay with those being your weak points or do you want to do something to change them? 

Opportunities 

What new technologies can help you? Can you get help from those around you? What about the internet? How can you use it to your advantage? What people can you create connections with that you couldn't before?

Is your world growing? Is your industry or career field? How's the current market? How can you take advantage of this?

Do you  have a network, or group, of people to help you? Do you have someone that offers you good advice?

What trends do you see happening around you and how can you use them to help you?

What trends do you see in your world? How can you take advantage of them?

Are any of the people around you failing to do something important? Can you take advantage of their mistakes and step up to the job?

Is there a position or need open that you could fill?

Do you constantly hear complaints about the same things over and over? Could you fix them? Could you offer a solution?

Look for opportunities:

- Networks, classes, conferences, groups, clubs

- Taking up an offer to gain new experience or learn new skills or expand your old ones whenever you can.  

Go back and look at your strengths. Do they open any opportunities?

Now look at your weaknesses. Could you open up more opportunities by eliminating some of those weaknesses? 

Threats

What obstacles are you currently facing? What is preventing you from being the person you want to be or from getting what you want or where you want out of your life?

Is there anyone competing with you for what you want?

Is there something major in your life changing?

Is there someone or something threatening to replace you or something that you do? (Like a new invention taking over your job or a person trying to take your place in your circle of friends or in your family)

Could any of your weaknesses lead to threats?

Here is my Personal SWOT Analysis to use as an example:

Strengths I'm very creative, open, and friendly. People like working with me because I present lots of different ideas, but I am also open to hearing all of their ideas too.  I am not afraid to admit when I don't understand something and I ask lots of questions to solidify what is being asked of me. I am very dedicated and passionate and I pour myself into everything that I do. I'm always determined to make everything the best I can. I'm a really hard worker.  I'm a fast typer and am pretty good at looking things up online quickly.  I speak English fluently and can communicate well in French. I am certified in Levels I & II in American Sign Language. I have my Serving It Right certification to serve alcohol and my Food Safe Level I to safely work in a restaurant-like setting. I can sing, dance, and act and have professional training and experience in all three areas. I can play the piano a little bit and can read music well. I know my history and I can improvise, tell stories, understand film terms, stage fight with or without swords, and understand the nature of the performing arts business. One of the achievements that I am most proud of is winning the Runner-Up for Highest Achiever award in my dance company.  I'm a fast learner.  I graduated from high school with Honors and have an Enriched Certificate in Performing Arts and a Certificate in Playwriting from one of the best musical theater school in Canada.  Through school and dance, I have made connections with professionals all over the world.  I fight for what I want and believe in.  I'm a good writer

Weaknesses  I avoid calling people because I don't like talking on the phone and feel embarrassed.   I avoid volunteering to do things and trying things first because I'm afraid of what people will think if I mess up.  I don't always apply corrections well. I lack confidence in my work. I am tense and have trouble relaxing. I am cautious and don't take enough risks. I am forgetful. I know I am talented, but I still often feel as if I am not good enough. I second guess my abilities at school and in my training because I feel like so many more people are more talented than I am and sometimes I wonder if I deserve to be there or if I belong there at all.  It makes me feel good to think that I got accepted into Canada's best theatre school, but when I got turned down for the second year program, it really made me second guess everything. I've been taught by the best, so if I can't make it there, sometimes I wonder if I will be able to make it at all.  I get frustrated easily. I can be disorganized at times. I often procrastinate and sometimes run late or don't allow enough time. I talk too much. I'm afraid of failure.

Opportunities The internet and social media can be used to an advantage I look younger than I am, which is an advantage for playing younger characters while still having the maturity of a professional adult.  I know lots of professional actors that can give me advice and guidance to help me make it in my career field. I also have a great group of talented performer friends who are off doing professional gigs. They are available for questions and recommendations. I have post-secondary training. Standing up for what I believe in can attract positive attention and create communities of people who stand together for the same cause.  I am passionate about what I do.

Threats  Competition is my biggest obstacle. My biggest challenge is being confident in myself and being nervous. I worry too much and try too hard sometimes. I'm not as strong of a singer as some and I'm not the best dancer, which lowers my confidence, and creates tension and doubt inside of my body. Everyone I know is competing with me for jobs and such - not just as a performer, but for all the jobs.   If I don't improve any of my weaknesses, it could cause me to get bad recommendations and reviews, which will mean trouble getting jobs.

May through October

So... My Happiness Project. Golly gee whiz it's been a while since I posted on that. It's been a bit of a whirlwind couple of months. Last I blogged we were just getting into May, which was Money Month. Time flew, June came and went, followed by July whizzing by, I crash-landed into August, skidded through the September stop, and have come to rest finally in the brisk air of October.

To catch you up, the money makeover went well. I made a new budget and have stuck to it for the most part. I spend a lot less on eating out and less on things in general. I found a way to prioritize my spending and now have a method on deciding when to purchase those extra things that I need and what to do with the extra money at the end of the month. My boyfriend, thankfully, is a big help in this area. He is extremely smart, especially when it comes to finances, and can offer a lot of sage advice. I met up with his mom, who used to work at a bank, and she also had some great suggestions as to how I can clean up my act. They both suggest I switch banks, which I haven't done, but I did at least meet with someone at my bank and we came up with a compromise that I am happy with for now as it still did result in lower fees. I found a better system for recording hours and tips on paper. I got a new day job. I consistently have those 10 hours a week that I work every weekend and sometimes do more. The pay is reliable and if I chose to work full time I could even acquire medical benefits and dental and such. There is room to move up. The work itself is a little boring, but I'm in it for the money, not the recreation. I got my own credit card too so now I can start accumulating my own credit, which is good and I've been pretty obedient with it so far.

When I started this journey a year ago, I was single. I wanted to include love in my happiness project but I didn't necessarily have a relationship to "work on" when I began this project. My compromise was to leave it until the last month, which was June. My plan was, if I was still single, June would be the month that I would really put myself out there and risk rejection. Ask someone I like out for a drink. Sign up for online dating and really go gung-ho for it. Experiment with things that intrigue me sexually (sorry, TMI?). I didn't want to dismiss the idea that I could meet someone between last September and June, but it was obviously hard to predict when that was going to happen and what the course of the relationship was going to be like if it did. Well, as it turns out, I ended up meeting someone towards the end of November and we've basically been together ever since. June rolled around and was, what I think, the perfect time for me to think about ways that I could improve our relationship. My list of resolutions was inspired by the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. 

Words of Affirmation

As my mother said to me when I was a child throwing a tantrum - "Use your words".

This is actually the hardest one for me to carry out because it ranks last in my love priorities. Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment." I feel the same way. Don't get me wrong here - I love a good compliment and the more respect I have for the person saying it, the more value the statement holds, but I don't need verbal affirmations the way others do. I don't sense that my boyfriend really thrives on it either, but that doesn't mean it isn't nice to hear sometimes. So in June I concentrated on using my words. I complimented, I encouraged and supported, I tried to speak with kindness and humbleness, and I thanked him for everything that he does for me. I made a point to say positive things about him to others when he wasn't around to family and strangers alike. I meant to leave little notes for him - words of love/encouragement, but I never really got around to it. I was really surprised to find how easy it was to say these things once I started. It's not as if I have to make them up. All these thoughts were in my head to begin with - I just needed to use my tongue to put them out in the universe. I feel stupid that I didn't clue in to this before, but there is a huge difference to thinking 'He looks great in that color' and saying 'Babe, you look hot in grey'. Now the goal is to be able to talk about heavier stuff with more ease. I muster up a lot of anxiety when bringing up bigger, deeper subjects to discuss. I'm always scared to push too far or be the nagging girlfriend - a quality I always resented in my mother. I will get there though. It's a process.

Quality Time

My boyfriend and I are both very busy people and we are both (sometimes hyper-)focused on our career goals. Him a little more so than I, but that is one of the reasons why I love him so much. He keeps me on track just by watching his example. Our biggest difference though is how much more introverted he is than I. He needs a LOT of alone time, especially in periods where he is working extra shifts at his bartending job, which forces him to be outgoing and social when he doesn't necessarily want to. His social-energy is expensive and usually has to be wasted on strangers and bar patrons instead of with people he actually wants to be around. By the end of the day, he is exhausted and just wants quiet time. Then I come bounding along - the extroverted ball of energy that is habitually a night owl on top of it - and I'm too much. As a result, the only time we have together (sometimes) is spent watching TV. I like watching TV with him, and sometimes I need to just unwind too, but it doesn't constitute as quality time. I like sitting at a table, eating dinner, and talking, and going on dates. It's hard because we're broke and busy, but it is important (more to me though, I think). So I am going to say that I wasn't entirely successful in executing this one.

Physical Touch

This one is the easiest to execute for us. My boyfriend places a high priority on touch. He loves cuddling, holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc, and he is really good at asking for what he needs. He also tells me when he has enough so I'm never really left guessing. And as far as sex goes, it took this long, but I think we've got our libidos somewhat synchronized at this point. 

Acts of Service

For those not familiar, an act of service is anything task-like that could be done for someone else, like running an errand, doing the dishes, or mowing the lawn. These are easy for me to come up with because acts of service are the way my brain translates love. I love cooking and cleaning for those I care about. Cooking I do quite often for him, but I don't clean my boyfriend's place for several reasons. It's extremely small and very messy. It needs an overhaul, which I don't want to do alone because I feel as if I would be violating his space. I spend a lot of time at his house fighting the urge to clean and frankly, his place makes me feel claustrophobic and stressed because it's so messy but he also doesn't indicate a strong desire to have it clean. I cleaned his bathroom once his month. He was appreciative, but it resumed its cluttered-state within a couple weeks. So I do what I can outside his house and when he is ready to live in an organized space, I'll be there with a mop and bucket...

Receiving Gifts

Like I said before, we're both broke, but it's amazing what a couple of dollars here and there can do. Every couple of weeks I buy a chocolate bar from the grocery store and hide it in his house. I try to place them in places where he will come across it in his every day routine, like by his alarm clock, toothbrush, or computer desk. Or I pack him a surprise lunch. We send each other funny pictures and gifs throughout the day via text and email links to videos. It's simple but it works for us. 

Overall, June was successful in strengthening our relationship. It was great that it lead right into July where I tried to tie everything together. I tried to focus on one resolution from each month:

Reading a chapter from the Bible every day (Faith)

Spend time studying the menu at my new job (Work)

Ask questions (Family)

Drink 4 glasses of water a day (Health)

Spend time every day working on acting homework (Passion)

Sign up for Railtown classes (Passion)

Put phone away (Mindfulness)

Make a new friend (Friendship)

Finish my rug (Hobbies)

Take 15 mins every morning and night to tidy up (Cleanliness)

Spend less (Money)

Communicate (Relationship)

Overall, the Happiness Project was successful. Am I happy? I don't know, but I definitely am more aware of my actions, which in turn brings more of a mindfulness to my well being. I have moments where I am extremely happy and then I have moments where all I can see are the flaws in my life and how I could make improvements. I think this is normal and I don't think this is something that is going to change because it's part of my nature as a human being. So I guess yes, I am happier in a lot of ways. I mean, it's not something a person can ever truly "finish". One can't reach their maximum happy capacity and then cruise from there. Life has built-in ups and downs and we spend every day working towards receiving our ultimate desires. And we'll still have work to do even after we achieve those dreams. The key, I think, is to find as much joy in every moment of life, even the mundane ones, and then it doesn't seem too bad to have to wait out the plateau moments in the grand scheme of things. 

Stay tuned for future projects. I want to take the time to say thank you to those that followed and supported me through this whole process! It would not have been the same without your encouragement!