My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
among the festive throng.
Sometimes I feel hopeless. Sometimes I feel so alone. The life, the family, the place I live that I picture in my head is not my reality. I question God. I ask him why he placed me here at this time in this time? Why am I unhappy? Can't you just save me? Where are you and why does it seem like all my hopes and dreams are infinite miles away?
When I read Psalm 42, I sympathize with David (presumably). I believe he wrote this when he also was going through a tough time. I admire how honest he is with God about how he feels. Am I ever that honest? I'm usually so focused on being grateful for the things I
have been given that I feel guilty for wanting more so I pretend I'm okay with things that I'm not.
Read 1 Kings 18:16-40 and 19:1-18
I am reminded of Elijah. He accuses Ahab of abandoning the Lord's commands and following the Baals. He requests that Ahab summon the people from all over Israel to meet on Mount Carmel, including the 450 prophets of Baal and the 400 prophets of Asherah.
1 Kings 18:21-22
Elijah went before the people and said, "How long will you waver between two opinions? If Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him."
But the people said nothing.
Then Elijah said to them, "I am the only one of the Lord's prophets left..."
Elijah devises a plan to prove that Lord is God - he and the prophets of Baal are to each choose a bull, prepare it, and place it on the wood, but not light the fire. Then, they will each call upon the name of their god and the one that answers with fire is the one true God. The Lord answered Elijah's prayer and sent fire to burn up his sacrifice. When the people saw this, they turned their hearts back to the Lord again. Then Elijah commanded them to seize the Baal prophets and slaughter them in the Kishon Valley. When Jezebel heard what Elijah had done, he threatened to kill Elijah. Elijah ran for his life into the desert. There, under a broom tree, he prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, Lord," he said. Take my life" (1 Kings 19:4) But instead, the Lord takes care of Elijah and appears to him to tell him that there are still 7000 godly people in Israel. He is not alone.
I am never truly alone. Another thing I can take from this story: When things seem bad, pray and then get a good sleep. (1 Kings 19:5). Things seem worse when we're really tired. ;-)
From my experience...
It's hard to understand why we suffer. And as much as I think I am suffering sometimes, there are children all over the world that are in much worse positions than I. It's tempting to say that nobody deserves to suffer, yet we are all sinful creatures, so does that mean we do? No. Because the only one who truly didn't deserve to suffer already did for us. The perfect Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice to save us from eternal suffering. Yet I know, sometimes it feels like we really are suffering here on earth. So what do we do? We pray. We tell God we need help. Be honest. Ask him to lead you to someone who can give guidance, because we're not meant to go at this alone. A relative, a counselor, a pastor. Sometimes things happen that we can't find a way out of immediately, but try to remember that you are never alone. God is always with you, just as God was with Elijah in the desert and on the mountain and as he was running ahead of Ahab's chariot. God sees and feels the things you suffer. Don't give up. Keep looking for ways to get the help you need.
After all of that, this is not actually the point of this article. Today I want to talk about discipline. Before you hightail it to the hills at the word
discipline, hear me out.
Discipline
Discipline, for many of us, brings back the not-so-fond memories of being a child. Getting grounded for not cleaning your room because you wanted to watch an episode of
Full House instead (Guilty as charged!). Getting your phone taken away because your teacher caught you with it in class. Having computer privileges taken away because you were slacking off on homework. Or getting what felt like the longest lecture of your life because you got in trouble at school for giving the teacher sass when she confiscated that
really important note you were trying to give to your best friend. I don't have children yet, but I imagine for those of you that do, the word
discipline means time-outs for ignoring you, taking dinner away because your 3 year old thought his dinner would look nice on the wall, or pulling your hair out while your child screams bloody murder in her bedroom, where she was sent for biting her sister.
Your list is probably different than mine. This is the short, clean, all-ages version of mine, most definitely. The point is that the word discipline probably has a bit of a negative connotation. It's not typically something we go seeking, right?
The good news!: I'm talking about a
different kind of discipline - spiritual discipline. Don't think of it as punishments; think of it as
training. It's the kind you choose without anyone forcing you to. You know how when you first moved out of your parents' place you were like, "Whoohoo! I'm going to eat ice cream for breakfast and leave my clothes ALL OVER THE FLOOR!" and now you're like, "WHO PUT THE LITTLE SPOON IN THE BIG SPOON SLOT?!" (Oh, that's just me?) [Just kidding - I still leave my clothes all over the floor...] This is kind of like that. You didn't transition from childhood to adulthood overnight. After time and a lot of trial-and-error, you gradually trained yourself to pick up after yourself and clean your toilet once a month. No one told you to (or maybe they did, but you didn't have to listen), but eventually you felt like you 'should', right?
Spiritual discipline is the kind of training you take on because you want to be closer to God so that you'll always know just what to do, because you don't want to be pressured into doing something just because the rest of the world is doing it, because you want to be full of joy, even when things aren't going so well, because you want to be the person that God wants you to be, and because you want to be free to carry out God's plan for you. [Step one: the
Why.]
Yeah sure. We all know
why. The question is
how. How do we be that kind of person?
- Spending quiet time with God every day in a special place. Prayer jounaling. Get into the Bible for help with today's struggle.
- Decluttering life. Keeping a clean environment so more time and space can be dedicated to God in daily life.
- Volunteering for service projects at church
- Praying. Talking to God about the things we aren't proud of. Confessing, repenting, showing remorse.
- Worship. Attending church service
That's Step two: the How. Step three is putting the discipline into practice - the What, When, Where. (The Who would be you, in case that wasn't obvious)
- A colleague makes a sarcastic comment about you being an ass kisser. Instead of retorting with, "Better than being the office slacker," you say, "Mr. Smith has been very supportive of the project I'm working on. We're so lucky to have a boss that appreciates his employees."
- Between church, work, family, friends, and keeping fit and healthy, your schedule was getting a little crazy and your house is a bit of a disaster. You decide to drop your piano lesson on Saturday mornings to dedicate time to clean up and finally finish painting that old dresser that's been sitting in the middle of your garage for a month. One Saturday morning a friend from Bible Study calls crying and frustrated and in need of some serious girl-time. You have the time to have her over for tea to talk it out. Not only does she have a place to sit, but you can focus on her instead of being distracted and embarrassed by your messy house.
- You're really shy, so volunteering for things at church gives you anxiety. Start small. Offer to bake cookies for the Mother's Day luncheon, which you can do alone at home. Then maybe offer to help serve them. Next month, join the group going to the homeless shelter to hand out meals. Find an activity that you like to do and find a way to use your skill to serve God. If you are doing something you find fun, it will be a little easier to ease out of your comfort zone and meet people that enjoy serving in the same way you do.
- Yesterday was not a great day for you. Before you left for work in the morning, you had an argument with your wife about forgetting to put gas in the car and then had to take the bus to work. The driver ignored your stop request and dropped you off several blocks further from your work than you wanted to walk. As you walked away, you muttered under your breath about how incompetent that idiot was. You finally arrived at work half an hour late to discover that another coworker had been assigned to the project that you really wanted. You have trouble focusing the rest of the day. That night when you get home, you veg out on the couch, binge-watching Breaking Bad, keeping your 4-year-old, who isn't allowed to watch the show, out of the den and playing by herself in her room while your wife makes dinner. That night before you go to bed, you prop yourself up on the pillow and pray. You confess about the guilt you are feeling, accept the anger and jealousy, and ask for help and forgiveness. Determined to make tomorrow a better day, you apologize to your wife and offer to get up early to make time to get gas in the morning. You tiptoe into Sophie's room to tell her you love her and that tomorrow you will watch whatever she picks with her. Today you had no trouble concentrating at work. You were proud of what you accomplished by getting up earlier. You actually thoroughly enjoy watching Frozen for the bajillionth time and singing "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" together in a special, before bed performance for the audience of your wife. You enjoyed today because your mind was consumed with the "if only..."s: If only I didn't have such a temper. If only I wasn't so judgmental. If only I wasn't so lazy. Instead you thought, 'God, I'm sorry - will you help me to do better today?'
- I often work until 3 am on Saturday nights. Or rather, I work from 4 pm on Saturday until 3 am on Sunday, but I refuse to say it's tomorrow until I wake up. Getting up for even an 11 am service seems cruel and unusual punishment for a night owl trying to make a living in this city. I would often sleep through my alarm or tell myself God understands how tired I am and go back to sleep. I made a commitment to go every Sunday now. I sing louder. I laugh at Pastor Norm's jokes. I cry when the sermon seems to be directed just for me, but that's not all. I take a long shower when I get home from work the night before, even though it sometimes wakes up my boyfriend, or he needs in the bathroom to poop. I pray that God will wash away my sins so I'll be ready to receive the spiritual message that will be coming my way in church the next morning. I have a tattoo on my hip that serves as a reminder to surrender to God. I wear a cross around my neck or in my ears and every time I put them on I pray for more faith. And when God helped me with a conversation with my boyfriend that was really difficult, I took my friend Alex out for coffee. And in the near future I will be throwing myself and some church friends - and God - a dinner party.
The rewards of spiritual discipline are amazing.
What does the Word have to say about this?
Read John 17:1-5. This is the night of the Last Supper. Jesus is telling his disciples what is about to happen and why. Then he prays for them.
John 17:1, 4, 5
Father, the time as come... I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.
The assignment that Jesus got from God was a big one. His task was to show the people what God was like and then return to Him by being crucified, dying, on the cross, rising again, and then being lifted back up to Heaven. I'm sure I'm not the only one glad that that wasn't
my assignment! How on earth did Jesus do that?
The simple, and obvious answer, is that it was easy for him because Jesus was the Son of God, but that's not completely true. When Jesus came to earth, he took human form. He suffered the same things that we have to suffer through in life. Jesus could feel pain. He probably caught the odd stomach virus or went days without food to eat. He was definitely mocked and taunted. He still had to sleep and pee and poop like we do. He felt happy and sad and angry and scared. He was human with the sole exception that he was without sin. He was our example on how to get our own missions from God accomplished. [We all have a mission, by the way.] Jesus couldn't just snap his fingers and make everything happen at once. Well, he
could have, but we wouldn't have learned that way. Jesus had to demonstrate for us.
So what did Jesus do? How did he make it possible to know God, hear God, obey God? How did he resist temptation to just say, "F*** it. I'm hungry" and wave his magic hand to unveil a steaming hot plate of steak and potatoes?
Jesus practiced
the same spiritual disciplines that I'm talking about here.
Quiet Time
Despite being busy, Jesus always made time to be alone with God. I remind you that Jesus was almost constantly being followed around by a crowd of people clamoring to have their ailments healed and asking endless questions. He started off his entire ministry by going off into the desert all by himself forty days. I don't know about you, but I don't think I've ever even spent 40 hours in my house by myself, let alone the desert. Jesus was consistently going off on his lonesome to pray. Read Luke 6:12-16.
Luke 6:12
One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.
That was the night before Jesus picked his Twelve Apostles. When Jesus heard that John the Baptist had been killed, he went off in a boat by himself. He wasn't just trying to get away from humans - he wanted to be in a place where he could hear God better. When he was alone, he prayed, listened, and devoted himself to the Father, and when his solitude time was up, he went right back to his mission - healing, teaching, and forgiving people. It's not just about getting away from your whining son, your nagging mother-in-law, or that buddy that is driving you crazy - it's about giving God your undivided attention.
Simplicity
To put it simply (see what I did there?), Jesus didn't accumulate stuff. Clutter would have distracted him from his ministry and he advised his disciples to do the same. He told them to go out and spread the news that the Son of God had arrived to teach people how to change their lives. He told them not to weigh themselves down with material possessions or stay in fancy hotels; to be happy living modesty and to leave quietly when their message was not being well-received.
Luke 9:3-5
"Take nothing for the journey - no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them"
The disciplines listened and followed Jesus' example and were successful in their missions. They spread God's news and healed people all over the region. This was exactly what God had wanted them to do.
Service
Jesus was a humble man. Even though he was the Son of God, he still dedicated a large portion of his life to serving others. Read John 9:1-12
John 9:6
Having said this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man's eyes.
[Side note about this passage: Sometimes bad things happen in the world because of sin, but sin isn't always the reason. Next time you are crippled with the flu or watching your child tortured with chicken pox, pray for God to display his work. If anything, doesn't sickness make you feel so grateful for health after you are healed?]
Jesus didn't mind digging around in the dirt. Now read John 11:38-44. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead for Mary and Martha. Read John 13:1-17.
John 13:15-17
I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
Jesus meant business. He stripped his clothes, wrapped a towel around his waist, and insisted on washing all every Apostles' feet. I may not be able to give a blind man back his eyesight. I certainly am not capable of raising a man from the dead. But Jesus showed me something I can do. I can roll up my sleeves and wash the gross, caked-on dirt of the feet of my fellow brethren. The world does not decide who is great and who isn't. We are all equal in God's eyes and should behave accordingly.
Confession
Throughout his ministry, Jesus stayed true to his assignment. He never doubted whether or not it was the right thing or whether he was doing it right. [Geez, that would be nice, hey?] On the eve of his crucifixion, however, Jesus grew depressed. One of his best friends was about to betray him. He was going to be nailed to the cross. He was the Son of God, yes, but wasn't there another way to do as God desired? Jesus knew there wasn't, but he didn't hide his feelings of doubt from his Father. Read Luke 22:39-46
Luke 22:42
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done"
Dissect that statement with me:
if you are willing, take this cup from me - there's the doubt -
yet - watch how God immediately steps in to take over -
not my will, but yours be done - Jesus accepts his fate. Jesus knew what was right. Because of his confession, God was able to help Jesus find the determination to carry out God's plan to die for us to take the burden of all our sins so we could be forgiven and blessed. Wow. Thank God for that!
Worship
Every Sabbath, Jesus went to the temple to worship. And Jesus knew better than just to go and passively listen to the readings and the sermon. He wouldn't have dared to daydream or doodle. He actively listened. He participated. Heck, half the time he ended up taking over! Read Mark 1:21-28
Mark 1:22&27
The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law... The people were all so amazed that they asked each other, "What is this? A new teaching - and with authority! He even gives orders to evil* spirits and they obey him."
* Sometimes 'evil' in the Bible can also translate to 'unclean'
Jesus spent that entire day in the synagogue. [After the destruction of the Jerusalem temples, the Jewish people preferred to worship in synagogues. After the resurrection, Christians began meeting there too, which is why synagogues and churches are so similar] Jesus blew the congregation away with the way he taught the Scriptures. Then he did something similar in Nazareth. Read Mark 4:1-20 and Isaiah 6:9&10. Or how about that time he blew everyone's mind by reading Isaiah the prophet's scroll and revealing that he was about to fulfill that prophecy?! Read Luke 4:16-30. It's so important for believers of Christ to come together to support and encourage each other in our journeys with God. Jesus knew that. The Jewish people began to trust Jesus because he "belonged". He was one of them.
If Jesus put all these things into practice - Quiet Time, Simplicity, Service, Confession, Worship - we should too.
Don't just do it because you're supposed to. You can't just add them to your schedule, do them mindlessly, and somehow attain a ticket into Heaven. You can't just go to church and say a prayer. We need to do these things full-heartedly, and if you do, you'll get to experience the same benefits that Jesus did. You'll get to:
- Experience being a Christian
- Change into a happier, more complete person
- Be freed from the weight of other's opinions and peer pressure
- Be closer to God
- Know what God's plan is for your life
We don't reap these benefits by just trying - God gives it to us through grace, just because he loves us. But we do have to prove to God that we are people of integrity and want to do right by him to receive that grace and we get it through spiritual discipline.
So Check Yourself Out: Do you spend time alone every day, praying and writing in a journal and listening to God? Could you do this more often? Do you have a special place you go to do nothing? Do you have too much stuff? Is your To-Do list too long? Maybe it's time for a trip to the Salvation Army or start saying no to some commitments. Are you always nice? How often do you offer to help someone out? When you waver, who do you talk to? Do you confess your wrongdoings to God? Do you go to church every Sunday? Do you sing there? Do you participate or pray? Do you worship on your own?
Some disciplines are easier than others. And everyone struggles with a different combination. For me, and I think for a lot of other young city folk in this day-and-age, struggle with simplicity. I know I'm surrounded by stuff I don't need and filling my schedule to the max. I'm currently balancing 5 part-time jobs! I feel like I'm constantly getting rid of things and saying no and I hardly ever have money to buy new stuff, but it's never quite enough. My strongest suits are my service and worship disciplines. I genuinely love church (though I'll admit that occasionally my mind wanders during the sermon) and I'm always looking for new way to serve with my spiritual gifts. I usually don't find it hard to be nice to people. I pray often, but I'm usually do something else at the same time, like walking or driving or cleaning (don't worry - I don't close my eyes). I could definitely make time in my life to just sit and listen to God without distractions. It can be so embarrassing to admit when we've done something wrong. I know I can't hide from God, but sometimes I'm tempted to skip the confession and go straight to the part where I don't do it again. It really helps having friends in my community group that will talk through my struggles and temptations with me and encourage me to make right with them.
As you reflect on this in your prayers tonight, I encourage you to go forward with joy. Spiritual discipline is not just one more thing you have to squeeze into your schedule. It's a good thing that is going to change your life for the better. If you get overwhelmed, pray that God will fill you with the same kind of excitement that you get when you get your haircut, or when you ride a horse for the first time, or just trying anything else that is cool for the first time.
Here's your
Spiritual Discipline PrepCheck:
- Tell a brother or sister in Christ, someone that you really respect, that this is an area of your life that you would like to work on. Ask them to pray for you and to hold you accountable by checking in on your progress every once and a while. Sharing your journey makes it so much more special.
- Make sure your partner knows what is going on and ask for their support.
- If you don't already have a journal, get one. If you're an artsy time, personalize it by decorating it with whatever you want. If that sounds like torture to you, a plain notebook will do just fine. Amazing things are going to start happening to you - you need somewhere to jot them down! Like when a prayer is answered or you have a great time during some service. Include pictures if you're into art or photography. If you are musical or literary, you may be inspired to write your own praise song or prayer.
- Pray that you will become so spiritually disciplined that God will never feel further away from you than a breath.
My partner is a non-believer. I just want to point that out because it rises a few challenges for me and maybe my experience will help those of you living with non-Christian parents or siblings and whatnot. I try not to make a big deal out of any of this. It's private - that is kind of the whole point. I don't need to announce 20x that I'm getting rid of a garbage bag of clothes to make room for God in my life. I just do it. It's not a matter of being sneaky, but to be honest, he probably doesn't miss the stuff anyway (or notice that it's gone for that matter...) My relationship with God is between Him and I, not Marty and I, so that gives me permission to develop it quietly. My hope is that Marty begins to notice the changes in me and that could possibly start conversation about what I'm doing and why, but all in due time. God works in miraculous ways. I don't need to involve Marty in my private time (he's not invited!) - I do it after he goes to bed or before he wakes up. I don't need to reschedule our time together. He doesn't need to know where I keep my prayer journal and I don't need to broadcast whenever I volunteer to do a favor for a church friend for free. When I screw up, he's not the person I tell - it's someone in my Community Group. And that's okay for now.
I struggle with thinking this is just one more thing to add to my schedule so I try to think of my life as a tapestry. It takes many threads of different colors to make a tapestry. Spiritual discipline is just one more thread to weave into my everyday life. My hope is that one day soon it will feel as natural as eating, sleeping, showering, and texting my mom. I wouldn't go a day without eating and once I learn to truly treasure my quiet time, I won't dare to miss that either. I'd die before turning down a great dance opportunity. Soon I hope I'll feel the same about my services. I don't want this to be something I do. I want this to be something I live. Maybe at some point dance and acting won't seem as important to me because feeling close to God has become even more important than everything else. Everything I do is so much better when I do it through God.
O God,
I need your help again. Then again, when don't I need your help, huh? I've fallen weak in some of my spiritual disciplines.
This week I'd like to focus on simplicity. I need your guidance pertaining to which job I need to let go of, which activities to pass on, and distinguishing between clutter and necessity.
I struggle with diligence, comprehension, time, space, lack of opportunity, feeling alone, and feeling so distant from you sometimes; no matter how hard I try.
There is one thing I know for sure, however, and that is that you are here with me. As I try to practice these disciplines in my life, you will help me become the person you want me to be. That, my Lord, sounds so incredibly wonderful - I implore you to make this so.
I love you more than anything. Thank you for loving me even more than that.
Amen
Being really close to God would be like...
