January

January's goal is to Enjoy the Moment (Mindfulness).

Focus on the pleasures of the task at hand
Stop trying to multitask - Do one thing at a time
Slow down
Take a deep breath
Turn off the phone when focus is needed
Check email and Facebook in the morning and at night, but not in between
Remember that it's okay to be happy
Hone in on my senses - touch things, smell, taste, listen
Meditate 5 mins 3x day.

This is a hard one to set goals for. It's more of a state of mind than anything. So I guess the big goal of the month is to just be aware of being mindful and trying to stay in the moment. This is going to be a difficult month for me. I am used to doing at least numerous things at once - on my phone, at work, etc. Also, I had a friend pass away and I find myself lost in thought a lot. I know this is part of the grieving process but he would have wanted me to continue enjoying life. I need to get out of my head and be thankful to be alive. I'm here. Right now. Enjoy it.

The Virgo Child

Magazines and newspapers are always talking about horoscopes and the love compatibility between the signs. I was never one to believe much in astrology - I refused to believe that my personality was set out for me in the stars before I was even born, but as I get older, I find more and more "coincidences" between myself and the typical Virgo characteristics. One coincidence, for example, is that Virgo is supposedly most compatible with Capricorn and Taurus. They also say that a woman most often picks out her favorite qualities from her father and seeks to find them in her future life partner. This is an interesting tie for me because my father is also a Taurus. So is that true? Am I looking for a Taurus man like my father? This got me thinking about compatibility between signs for other types of relationships besides romantic ones. If the stars have something to say about the relationship with my future lover, then why doesn't it have anything to say about the relationship with my mother, father, and future child? I spent some time with my friend Google and came up with the following interesting points on horoscopes and family life and how they apply to me:

My Pisces Mom

Strengths & Gifts

Nurturing

• Heart of Gold; Ultimate Empath
• Naturally gravitate to children; Shower kids with unconditional love
• Her children can do no wrong; Soothes them, spoils them, cheer on every accomplishment
• Can be known to put kids on pedestal; Cherishes every moment spend with children
• Children go with healthy sense of self-worth
• While Pisces women can be "delicate flowers" in every other aspects of life, they are tough as nails when it comes to their offspring - nobody messes with their kids!
• Protective; Defensive (sometimes a little overboard)
• Children know Mom has their backs
• There's no sacrifice that she wouldn't make for her kids
• Constant and consistent love

Creativity

• Ruled by dreamy, poetic Neptune
• Soul of an artist; flair for music, decorating, food, fashion (especially shoes)
• Children grow up well versed in music and with a taste for the finer things
• Encourages children to develop talents and expression; Wants kids to experience culture
• Common mommy and me outings: galleries, museums, arts and crafts, the ballet
• Loves and encourages dancing
• Especially sensitive to aesthetics and presentation; Will pass this down to children
• Gift-wrapping, Handwritten cards
• Will teach kids to not judge a book by its cover - but every book deserves an equally special wrapping!
• Would rather follow vivid imagination than stick to a regular schedule; Looser parenting style

Challenges & Issues

Manipulation

• Super-sensitive; Can fall into "tender trap"
• Can become passive-aggressive or emotionally manipulative instead of using direct communication
• Guilt is used as the ultimate weapon
• Insist "I'm fine" when she's clearly not
• Nurses bruised egos
• Disconnect between reality and words can lead to children not trusting their own feelings or their mother
• Children may act out to test authority or to see how mother really feels 
• Children have strong BS detectors, so they can see right through this
• Guilt and subtle punishments will only push children away

Kookiness

• The line between creativeness and craziness is often crossed
• Ruled by bohemian Neptune; Drawn to all things underground and alternative
• Unknowingly embarrasses children with eccentric clothing choices
• Can reveal TMI to children about private life
• Can forget to self-censor; Can push kids into playing therapist
• Fall into "victim" mentality; Blames and points fingers 

My Taurus Dad

Strengths & Gifts

Stability

• Down to earth; Practical nature; Works hard at things that matter
• Indulgent, easygoing, good-natured, grounded
• Solid backbone; Safe
• Doting
• Love to eat; Love to take out those they love as well as teach them how to cook
• Loves to lounge with their kids - lie on beach, sleep on couch, swing in hammock
• Loves to shower with kisses
• Creature of habit; Love routine
• Will always show up
• Gives children security

Good Taste/Good Sense

• Basic love for nature and the earth
• Ruled by sensual Venus; Practical earth sign
• Savvy consumer; Knows how to find things for a bargain, but not afraid to splurge
• Common sense is his forte
• Incredibly grounded
• Protect family by teaching them to make smart use of their resources - time, money, and energy

Challenges & Issues

Materialistic

• Can be a sucker for pretty things
• Buys elaborate gifts, sometimes spends more than can afford

Rigidness

• Has trouble being flexible and/or expressive
• Stubborn
• Old-school approach to parenting
• "My Way or the Highway" showdown happens often
• Has trouble seeing the opposite point of view
• Must learn to pick battles or kids will be distant and distrustful; Kids often complain that their Taurus father doesn't listen to them
• Won't shift opinions, habits, or beliefs lightly: Resistance to change
• Will need to develop stronger tolerance and flexibility

How This Applied to Me as a Child:

Honestly, I've never seen something so accurate to describe the relationship between me and my mother. I've always considered it a very confusing, complicated, and controversial subject matter. My mom seems to think our relationship is quite simple, but I've always disagreed. Friends often ask me to describe my relationship with her and my response is always "It took me 21 years to figure it out and would take me 21 more to explain to you. It just is what it is" I'm not saying the relationship is negative. It was at a point, but it's okay now. The articles I read online were bang on with a lot of their points. For example, my mom and I totally bonded over artsy things. She was the one who introduced me to art and crafts as a kid and specifically scrapbooking and card making as a teen, which I still have as hobbies as an adult. She was always super supportive and encouraging about my dance and music career. She spent so many hours making costumes for me and driving me to lessons and taking me out of town to competitions and watched every single one. I'm sure I was the typical bossy Virgo at times (and I get picky and high maintenance when I'm stressed out) but she rarely complained. My mom is an awesome and creative cook, despite how busy she was, and I've always hoped to model after her in that way. She also always had a knack for interior design. I hope I got that gene! She has made every house she's lived in, no matter how small, into a beautiful home. When people ask where I get my performing talent from, I say, "Well actually both my parents are quite musical. My dad played the guitar and the accordion and my mom can play the piano. My aunt sings and used to be in a band. So I get it from all of them. But my mom is the really creative one."

The common complaints I had as a child/teen were mostly to do with structure. My mom was late for everything (but would never admit it) and that drove me crazy. I've learned that structure and routine are VITAL to Virgo children and that is a very true testament. Where being 2 minutes behind wouldn't bother most kids, I would grow really anxious inside before we had even left the house. The clutter around our house also bothered me. Clutter still bothers me, but I understand a lot more now how easily it accumulates now that I'm an adult with an extremely cluttered house as well. It still drives me nuts, and I believe that my outer chaos is contributing to my inner chaos, but I'm working on it.

My dad was always a simple guy. Simple pleasures, simple life. He was very stuck in his little habits and routine and he still is to this day! My mom used to complain that I always took my "dad's side" in arguments or in her tirades or whatever. Looking back I know this is true, but not unjustified. Of course I took my dad's side. I understood it - that's why. As a fellow earth sign, I could usually see where my dad was coming from with most things. My mom complains that my dad worked all the time and wasn't a strong father figure - I knew he worked really hard because that was how he interpreted love. 'When you love someone, you work really hard so you can buy them the things they want and need' seemed to be his mantra. Where did he learn that? From the mistakes of his own father perhaps? I'll never know. It's true that in my teen and adult life, my dad was often buying me expensive gifts and handing over bundles of cash. I never had to ask for money. I somehow knew that this was the way my dad needed to express his affection. If you would like further proof and reading material on the matter, read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. My dad's love language is Gifts. This does not make me a spoiled brat. I was extremely grateful every time and never once took advantage of his generosity. 

My dad wasn't the one to pry into my life or offer up a lot of advice. He let me tell him what I wanted to and answer only what was asked of him and I loved that as a teenager. I knew he was there in the background if I needed him, but I was a pretty lucky kid. This was the thing I always appreciated the most about my dad and the thing I complained about the most pertaining to my mom. As a child AND a teen, I mostly just wanted to be left the eff alone. I've always been chatty - I offer up information readily, so I never understood why my mom always seemed to have MORE questions about what I considered at the time to be my personal life. If I hadn't already told her, I didn't want her to know. Seems pretty straight forward but it was a common argument in my household. My mom often shared too much information about her life and in return (it felt like) I was expected to share everything that was going on in mine. I didn't think this was fair as a kid. I figured that if adults were allowed to keep secrets from kids then I was allowed to keep secrets from mom. She disagreed. 

I sought therapy in my adult life to be able to talk about some vent up feelings about my childhood. He says it sounds like I was angry at my mom for making me play therapist, which I did, and for her playing victim, which she did, and for being so soft on my brother when I didn't feel  he deserved it, which he didn't. He's helped me let go of it, which is good because I needed to. These things aren't happening anymore, so why hold on to them? I had a lot of anger concerning my mom's "nurturing" quality, as these pisces articles call it. I saw it as overprotective, overbearing, smothering, and distrustful. I know now that this was love, but at the time it felt like an attack. What my mom probably viewed as a gesture of love and helpfulness (like correcting my homework while I was sleeping) I saw as an appalling act of distrust and overcorrection. I wanted to be left alone to make my own mistakes. And I've always been a perfectionist. I knew where all the mistakes were and it was already taking every ounce of my being to just breathe, let them go, and know that not everything can be perfect and then helpful Pisces would come and say something like "Honey, this story is great, but this one paragraph seems a little fragmented" I wondered numerous times if it was actually physically possible to explode. 

This isn't supposed to be a rant about my childhood or a report card for my parents or anything like that. It's merely just something to think about while my generation prepares to have babies. Maybe astrological chemistry is just as important in a parent-child relationship as it is in a romantic one. As a mom, I picture myself as extremely organized, with food on the table at the same time every night, and a consistent routine that I am never late for, and I will teach my kids about healthy habits and music, but what if I end up with a little Gemini or Sag or Aquarius on my hands who don't do well with black and white rules and a tight schedule. I'm going to have to learn to loosen up for them. To not take life so seriously. I have to remember to not be overly critical or too analytical. Maybe life isn't as complicated as I thought it was :-)