To catch you up, the money makeover went well. I made a new budget and have stuck to it for the most part. I spend a lot less on eating out and less on things in general. I found a way to prioritize my spending and now have a method on deciding when to purchase those extra things that I need and what to do with the extra money at the end of the month. My boyfriend, thankfully, is a big help in this area. He is extremely smart, especially when it comes to finances, and can offer a lot of sage advice. I met up with his mom, who used to work at a bank, and she also had some great suggestions as to how I can clean up my act. They both suggest I switch banks, which I haven't done, but I did at least meet with someone at my bank and we came up with a compromise that I am happy with for now as it still did result in lower fees. I found a better system for recording hours and tips on paper. I got a new day job. I consistently have those 10 hours a week that I work every weekend and sometimes do more. The pay is reliable and if I chose to work full time I could even acquire medical benefits and dental and such. There is room to move up. The work itself is a little boring, but I'm in it for the money, not the recreation. I got my own credit card too so now I can start accumulating my own credit, which is good and I've been pretty obedient with it so far.
Words of Affirmation
As my mother said to me when I was a child throwing a tantrum - "Use your words".
This is actually the hardest one for me to carry out because it ranks last in my love priorities. Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment." I feel the same way. Don't get me wrong here - I love a good compliment and the more respect I have for the person saying it, the more value the statement holds, but I don't need verbal affirmations the way others do. I don't sense that my boyfriend really thrives on it either, but that doesn't mean it isn't nice to hear sometimes. So in June I concentrated on using my words. I complimented, I encouraged and supported, I tried to speak with kindness and humbleness, and I thanked him for everything that he does for me. I made a point to say positive things about him to others when he wasn't around to family and strangers alike. I meant to leave little notes for him - words of love/encouragement, but I never really got around to it. I was really surprised to find how easy it was to say these things once I started. It's not as if I have to make them up. All these thoughts were in my head to begin with - I just needed to use my tongue to put them out in the universe. I feel stupid that I didn't clue in to this before, but there is a huge difference to thinking 'He looks great in that color' and saying 'Babe, you look hot in grey'. Now the goal is to be able to talk about heavier stuff with more ease. I muster up a lot of anxiety when bringing up bigger, deeper subjects to discuss. I'm always scared to push too far or be the nagging girlfriend - a quality I always resented in my mother. I will get there though. It's a process.
Quality Time
My boyfriend and I are both very busy people and we are both (sometimes hyper-)focused on our career goals. Him a little more so than I, but that is one of the reasons why I love him so much. He keeps me on track just by watching his example. Our biggest difference though is how much more introverted he is than I. He needs a LOT of alone time, especially in periods where he is working extra shifts at his bartending job, which forces him to be outgoing and social when he doesn't necessarily want to. His social-energy is expensive and usually has to be wasted on strangers and bar patrons instead of with people he actually wants to be around. By the end of the day, he is exhausted and just wants quiet time. Then I come bounding along - the extroverted ball of energy that is habitually a night owl on top of it - and I'm too much. As a result, the only time we have together (sometimes) is spent watching TV. I like watching TV with him, and sometimes I need to just unwind too, but it doesn't constitute as quality time. I like sitting at a table, eating dinner, and talking, and going on dates. It's hard because we're broke and busy, but it is important (more to me though, I think). So I am going to say that I wasn't entirely successful in executing this one.
For those not familiar, an act of service is anything task-like that could be done for someone else, like running an errand, doing the dishes, or mowing the lawn. These are easy for me to come up with because acts of service are the way my brain translates love. I love cooking and cleaning for those I care about. Cooking I do quite often for him, but I don't clean my boyfriend's place for several reasons. It's extremely small and very messy. It needs an overhaul, which I don't want to do alone because I feel as if I would be violating his space. I spend a lot of time at his house fighting the urge to clean and frankly, his place makes me feel claustrophobic and stressed because it's so messy but he also doesn't indicate a strong desire to have it clean. I cleaned his bathroom once his month. He was appreciative, but it resumed its cluttered-state within a couple weeks. So I do what I can outside his house and when he is ready to live in an organized space, I'll be there with a mop and bucket...
Physical Touch
This one is the easiest to execute for us. My boyfriend places a high priority on touch. He loves cuddling, holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc, and he is really good at asking for what he needs. He also tells me when he has enough so I'm never really left guessing. And as far as sex goes, it took this long, but I think we've got our libidos somewhat synchronized at this point.
Acts of Service
For those not familiar, an act of service is anything task-like that could be done for someone else, like running an errand, doing the dishes, or mowing the lawn. These are easy for me to come up with because acts of service are the way my brain translates love. I love cooking and cleaning for those I care about. Cooking I do quite often for him, but I don't clean my boyfriend's place for several reasons. It's extremely small and very messy. It needs an overhaul, which I don't want to do alone because I feel as if I would be violating his space. I spend a lot of time at his house fighting the urge to clean and frankly, his place makes me feel claustrophobic and stressed because it's so messy but he also doesn't indicate a strong desire to have it clean. I cleaned his bathroom once his month. He was appreciative, but it resumed its cluttered-state within a couple weeks. So I do what I can outside his house and when he is ready to live in an organized space, I'll be there with a mop and bucket...Receiving Gifts
Like I said before, we're both broke, but it's amazing what a couple of dollars here and there can do. Every couple of weeks I buy a chocolate bar from the grocery store and hide it in his house. I try to place them in places where he will come across it in his every day routine, like by his alarm clock, toothbrush, or computer desk. Or I pack him a surprise lunch. We send each other funny pictures and gifs throughout the day via text and email links to videos. It's simple but it works for us.
Overall, June was successful in strengthening our relationship. It was great that it lead right into July where I tried to tie everything together. I tried to focus on one resolution from each month:
Reading a chapter from the Bible every day (Faith)
Spend time studying the menu at my new job (Work)
Ask questions (Family)
Drink 4 glasses of water a day (Health)
Spend time every day working on acting homework (Passion)
Sign up for Railtown classes (Passion)
Put phone away (Mindfulness)
Make a new friend (Friendship)
Finish my rug (Hobbies)
Take 15 mins every morning and night to tidy up (Cleanliness)
Spend less (Money)
Communicate (Relationship)
Overall, the Happiness Project was successful. Am I happy? I don't know, but I definitely am more aware of my actions, which in turn brings more of a mindfulness to my well being. I have moments where I am extremely happy and then I have moments where all I can see are the flaws in my life and how I could make improvements. I think this is normal and I don't think this is something that is going to change because it's part of my nature as a human being. So I guess yes, I am happier in a lot of ways. I mean, it's not something a person can ever truly "finish". One can't reach their maximum happy capacity and then cruise from there. Life has built-in ups and downs and we spend every day working towards receiving our ultimate desires. And we'll still have work to do even after we achieve those dreams. The key, I think, is to find as much joy in every moment of life, even the mundane ones, and then it doesn't seem too bad to have to wait out the plateau moments in the grand scheme of things.
Stay tuned for future projects. I want to take the time to say thank you to those that followed and supported me through this whole process! It would not have been the same without your encouragement!
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