How to Attain Self-Confidence: Step Two

Step Two:

Do a S.W.O.T. Analysis. 

Divide your page into 4 equal sized boxes. In each box, ask yourself the following questions. 

Strengths	Weaknesses
Opportunities	Threats

Strengths

What do you have that other people don't have? (any advantages you have over others. Ex: skills, certifications, education, connections, etc)

What do you do better than anyone else? What do you do well in general?

What personal resources can you access? What unique resources can you draw on?

What do other people see as your strengths?

Which of your achievements are you the most proud of? 

What values do you believe in that others fail to exhibit?

Are you part of a network or group that no one else is involved in? If you are, what connections do you have because of that? What influential people do you know because of that?

Consider this from your own point of view and from the point of view of those around you. Don't be modest or shy. Be objective and don't be afraid to "float your own boat".

If you are having difficulty, start writing down some personal characteristics. Some of them will be strengths.

Weaknesses

What tasks do you usually avoid because you don't feel confident doing them?

What do the people around you see as your weaknesses?

Are you completely confident in your education and skills training? If not, where are you weakest?

What are you negative work habits? (Ex: Are you often late or running behind? Disorganized? Do you get upset or angry easily? Are you poor at handling stressful situation, or stress in general?) 

Do you have personality traits that hold you back? (Ex: Fear of public speaking)

Again, consider this from a personal/internal perspective, as well as an external perspective. Do other people see weaknesses that you don't see? Are you constantly being outperformed in certain areas? Be honest and realistic. It's best to face this stuff as soon as possible. Spend some time thinking, praying, or meditating on your weaknesses. How do you feel about them? Are you okay with those being your weak points or do you want to do something to change them? 

Opportunities 

What new technologies can help you? Can you get help from those around you? What about the internet? How can you use it to your advantage? What people can you create connections with that you couldn't before?

Is your world growing? Is your industry or career field? How's the current market? How can you take advantage of this?

Do you  have a network, or group, of people to help you? Do you have someone that offers you good advice?

What trends do you see happening around you and how can you use them to help you?

What trends do you see in your world? How can you take advantage of them?

Are any of the people around you failing to do something important? Can you take advantage of their mistakes and step up to the job?

Is there a position or need open that you could fill?

Do you constantly hear complaints about the same things over and over? Could you fix them? Could you offer a solution?

Look for opportunities:

- Networks, classes, conferences, groups, clubs

- Taking up an offer to gain new experience or learn new skills or expand your old ones whenever you can.  

Go back and look at your strengths. Do they open any opportunities?

Now look at your weaknesses. Could you open up more opportunities by eliminating some of those weaknesses? 

Threats

What obstacles are you currently facing? What is preventing you from being the person you want to be or from getting what you want or where you want out of your life?

Is there anyone competing with you for what you want?

Is there something major in your life changing?

Is there someone or something threatening to replace you or something that you do? (Like a new invention taking over your job or a person trying to take your place in your circle of friends or in your family)

Could any of your weaknesses lead to threats?

Here is my Personal SWOT Analysis to use as an example:

Strengths I'm very creative, open, and friendly. People like working with me because I present lots of different ideas, but I am also open to hearing all of their ideas too.  I am not afraid to admit when I don't understand something and I ask lots of questions to solidify what is being asked of me. I am very dedicated and passionate and I pour myself into everything that I do. I'm always determined to make everything the best I can. I'm a really hard worker.  I'm a fast typer and am pretty good at looking things up online quickly.  I speak English fluently and can communicate well in French. I am certified in Levels I & II in American Sign Language. I have my Serving It Right certification to serve alcohol and my Food Safe Level I to safely work in a restaurant-like setting. I can sing, dance, and act and have professional training and experience in all three areas. I can play the piano a little bit and can read music well. I know my history and I can improvise, tell stories, understand film terms, stage fight with or without swords, and understand the nature of the performing arts business. One of the achievements that I am most proud of is winning the Runner-Up for Highest Achiever award in my dance company.  I'm a fast learner.  I graduated from high school with Honors and have an Enriched Certificate in Performing Arts and a Certificate in Playwriting from one of the best musical theater school in Canada.  Through school and dance, I have made connections with professionals all over the world.  I fight for what I want and believe in.  I'm a good writer

Weaknesses  I avoid calling people because I don't like talking on the phone and feel embarrassed.   I avoid volunteering to do things and trying things first because I'm afraid of what people will think if I mess up.  I don't always apply corrections well. I lack confidence in my work. I am tense and have trouble relaxing. I am cautious and don't take enough risks. I am forgetful. I know I am talented, but I still often feel as if I am not good enough. I second guess my abilities at school and in my training because I feel like so many more people are more talented than I am and sometimes I wonder if I deserve to be there or if I belong there at all.  It makes me feel good to think that I got accepted into Canada's best theatre school, but when I got turned down for the second year program, it really made me second guess everything. I've been taught by the best, so if I can't make it there, sometimes I wonder if I will be able to make it at all.  I get frustrated easily. I can be disorganized at times. I often procrastinate and sometimes run late or don't allow enough time. I talk too much. I'm afraid of failure.

Opportunities The internet and social media can be used to an advantage I look younger than I am, which is an advantage for playing younger characters while still having the maturity of a professional adult.  I know lots of professional actors that can give me advice and guidance to help me make it in my career field. I also have a great group of talented performer friends who are off doing professional gigs. They are available for questions and recommendations. I have post-secondary training. Standing up for what I believe in can attract positive attention and create communities of people who stand together for the same cause.  I am passionate about what I do.

Threats  Competition is my biggest obstacle. My biggest challenge is being confident in myself and being nervous. I worry too much and try too hard sometimes. I'm not as strong of a singer as some and I'm not the best dancer, which lowers my confidence, and creates tension and doubt inside of my body. Everyone I know is competing with me for jobs and such - not just as a performer, but for all the jobs.   If I don't improve any of my weaknesses, it could cause me to get bad recommendations and reviews, which will mean trouble getting jobs.

May through October

So... My Happiness Project. Golly gee whiz it's been a while since I posted on that. It's been a bit of a whirlwind couple of months. Last I blogged we were just getting into May, which was Money Month. Time flew, June came and went, followed by July whizzing by, I crash-landed into August, skidded through the September stop, and have come to rest finally in the brisk air of October.

To catch you up, the money makeover went well. I made a new budget and have stuck to it for the most part. I spend a lot less on eating out and less on things in general. I found a way to prioritize my spending and now have a method on deciding when to purchase those extra things that I need and what to do with the extra money at the end of the month. My boyfriend, thankfully, is a big help in this area. He is extremely smart, especially when it comes to finances, and can offer a lot of sage advice. I met up with his mom, who used to work at a bank, and she also had some great suggestions as to how I can clean up my act. They both suggest I switch banks, which I haven't done, but I did at least meet with someone at my bank and we came up with a compromise that I am happy with for now as it still did result in lower fees. I found a better system for recording hours and tips on paper. I got a new day job. I consistently have those 10 hours a week that I work every weekend and sometimes do more. The pay is reliable and if I chose to work full time I could even acquire medical benefits and dental and such. There is room to move up. The work itself is a little boring, but I'm in it for the money, not the recreation. I got my own credit card too so now I can start accumulating my own credit, which is good and I've been pretty obedient with it so far.

When I started this journey a year ago, I was single. I wanted to include love in my happiness project but I didn't necessarily have a relationship to "work on" when I began this project. My compromise was to leave it until the last month, which was June. My plan was, if I was still single, June would be the month that I would really put myself out there and risk rejection. Ask someone I like out for a drink. Sign up for online dating and really go gung-ho for it. Experiment with things that intrigue me sexually (sorry, TMI?). I didn't want to dismiss the idea that I could meet someone between last September and June, but it was obviously hard to predict when that was going to happen and what the course of the relationship was going to be like if it did. Well, as it turns out, I ended up meeting someone towards the end of November and we've basically been together ever since. June rolled around and was, what I think, the perfect time for me to think about ways that I could improve our relationship. My list of resolutions was inspired by the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. 

Words of Affirmation

As my mother said to me when I was a child throwing a tantrum - "Use your words".

This is actually the hardest one for me to carry out because it ranks last in my love priorities. Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment." I feel the same way. Don't get me wrong here - I love a good compliment and the more respect I have for the person saying it, the more value the statement holds, but I don't need verbal affirmations the way others do. I don't sense that my boyfriend really thrives on it either, but that doesn't mean it isn't nice to hear sometimes. So in June I concentrated on using my words. I complimented, I encouraged and supported, I tried to speak with kindness and humbleness, and I thanked him for everything that he does for me. I made a point to say positive things about him to others when he wasn't around to family and strangers alike. I meant to leave little notes for him - words of love/encouragement, but I never really got around to it. I was really surprised to find how easy it was to say these things once I started. It's not as if I have to make them up. All these thoughts were in my head to begin with - I just needed to use my tongue to put them out in the universe. I feel stupid that I didn't clue in to this before, but there is a huge difference to thinking 'He looks great in that color' and saying 'Babe, you look hot in grey'. Now the goal is to be able to talk about heavier stuff with more ease. I muster up a lot of anxiety when bringing up bigger, deeper subjects to discuss. I'm always scared to push too far or be the nagging girlfriend - a quality I always resented in my mother. I will get there though. It's a process.

Quality Time

My boyfriend and I are both very busy people and we are both (sometimes hyper-)focused on our career goals. Him a little more so than I, but that is one of the reasons why I love him so much. He keeps me on track just by watching his example. Our biggest difference though is how much more introverted he is than I. He needs a LOT of alone time, especially in periods where he is working extra shifts at his bartending job, which forces him to be outgoing and social when he doesn't necessarily want to. His social-energy is expensive and usually has to be wasted on strangers and bar patrons instead of with people he actually wants to be around. By the end of the day, he is exhausted and just wants quiet time. Then I come bounding along - the extroverted ball of energy that is habitually a night owl on top of it - and I'm too much. As a result, the only time we have together (sometimes) is spent watching TV. I like watching TV with him, and sometimes I need to just unwind too, but it doesn't constitute as quality time. I like sitting at a table, eating dinner, and talking, and going on dates. It's hard because we're broke and busy, but it is important (more to me though, I think). So I am going to say that I wasn't entirely successful in executing this one.

Physical Touch

This one is the easiest to execute for us. My boyfriend places a high priority on touch. He loves cuddling, holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc, and he is really good at asking for what he needs. He also tells me when he has enough so I'm never really left guessing. And as far as sex goes, it took this long, but I think we've got our libidos somewhat synchronized at this point. 

Acts of Service

For those not familiar, an act of service is anything task-like that could be done for someone else, like running an errand, doing the dishes, or mowing the lawn. These are easy for me to come up with because acts of service are the way my brain translates love. I love cooking and cleaning for those I care about. Cooking I do quite often for him, but I don't clean my boyfriend's place for several reasons. It's extremely small and very messy. It needs an overhaul, which I don't want to do alone because I feel as if I would be violating his space. I spend a lot of time at his house fighting the urge to clean and frankly, his place makes me feel claustrophobic and stressed because it's so messy but he also doesn't indicate a strong desire to have it clean. I cleaned his bathroom once his month. He was appreciative, but it resumed its cluttered-state within a couple weeks. So I do what I can outside his house and when he is ready to live in an organized space, I'll be there with a mop and bucket...

Receiving Gifts

Like I said before, we're both broke, but it's amazing what a couple of dollars here and there can do. Every couple of weeks I buy a chocolate bar from the grocery store and hide it in his house. I try to place them in places where he will come across it in his every day routine, like by his alarm clock, toothbrush, or computer desk. Or I pack him a surprise lunch. We send each other funny pictures and gifs throughout the day via text and email links to videos. It's simple but it works for us. 

Overall, June was successful in strengthening our relationship. It was great that it lead right into July where I tried to tie everything together. I tried to focus on one resolution from each month:

Reading a chapter from the Bible every day (Faith)

Spend time studying the menu at my new job (Work)

Ask questions (Family)

Drink 4 glasses of water a day (Health)

Spend time every day working on acting homework (Passion)

Sign up for Railtown classes (Passion)

Put phone away (Mindfulness)

Make a new friend (Friendship)

Finish my rug (Hobbies)

Take 15 mins every morning and night to tidy up (Cleanliness)

Spend less (Money)

Communicate (Relationship)

Overall, the Happiness Project was successful. Am I happy? I don't know, but I definitely am more aware of my actions, which in turn brings more of a mindfulness to my well being. I have moments where I am extremely happy and then I have moments where all I can see are the flaws in my life and how I could make improvements. I think this is normal and I don't think this is something that is going to change because it's part of my nature as a human being. So I guess yes, I am happier in a lot of ways. I mean, it's not something a person can ever truly "finish". One can't reach their maximum happy capacity and then cruise from there. Life has built-in ups and downs and we spend every day working towards receiving our ultimate desires. And we'll still have work to do even after we achieve those dreams. The key, I think, is to find as much joy in every moment of life, even the mundane ones, and then it doesn't seem too bad to have to wait out the plateau moments in the grand scheme of things. 

Stay tuned for future projects. I want to take the time to say thank you to those that followed and supported me through this whole process! It would not have been the same without your encouragement!

How to Attain Self-Confidence: Step One

There are two main ways to achieve the feeling of self-confidence. 

1) Affirmation and positive thinking. 

2) Building competence by setting and achieving goals. This is no 5-minute fix. There is sometimes blockage that gets in the way of seeing our inner beauty and truest potential. We'll discuss those later. 

The Bad News: There is no quick fix to gaining self-confidence.

The Good News: As long as you have the real desire to do this, along with the dedication, determination, and focus to carry you through, building self-confidence is possible.  The best part about building self-confidence is that you will also build success, because your confidence will  be coming from real life achievements that you will have to remember for the rest of your life.

I have broken down the process into 10 steps and assignments. Do each of them at your own pace. 

Step One: Prepare for your journey. Get a notebook to record the process.

First assignment: Look back on your life so far and make a list of your 10 best achievements. One may be acing a test or exam, playing an important part on a team or in a play, producing good sales figures at work, making a difference in someone's life, or having an idea that ended up really helping your company - absolutely anything that you feel is a good accomplishment. This is your rough draft.

Now, turn that list into something special. Type it out and make it look official and important, or write it out on a poster and decorate it with glitter glue and stickers. Whatever you want to make it feel like it's your own and that it's important. Put it somewhere where you can look at it often and review it daily to remind yourself of the successes you've done. I put mine on my bedside table so I could look at it every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to bed.

March/April

April's focus, in honor of spring, was Simplify (Cleanliness). The resolutions were simple: Find 15 minutes every morning and every night to do some general tidy. I also tried to find the time once a week to tackle a bigger project I had been procrastinating.

I was fairly successful! I did at least one of the 15-minute segments, if not both, most days. My oh my, what a difference it made! I always started by doing the dishes and wiping down the counter and then I've been making my way around the kitchen, taking things off of shelves, wiping down the insides, and reorganizing. I'm not done yet, but it is certainly on it's way. I'm really bad for creating clutter areas, like cupboards and drawers and surfaces. Once I decide something has a home, I'm really awesome at keeping that area clean, but as soon as someone else messes it up, it becomes a magnet for my own stuff too - a dumping ground. Some mini-projects I tackled this month: cleaning off the top of the fridge, cleaning out/organizing the saran wrap/tin foil/etc drawer, cleaning out and organizing the tupperware cupboard (complete chaos!) and fixing the broken shelf in there, reorganizing some casserole dishes, the glassware, and under the kitchen sink (another disaster zone). I didn't manage to tackle the biggest and most procrastinated area of my home of all: the stairs to nowhere. It's an area in my house that "out of the way", a staircase that used to lead up to the second floor of the house but has since been dry-walled to make this a private suite. It has become my personal dumping ground. I swear I will get there though, and it's going to look fabulous. I also hung a couple pictures in the kitchen and took apart the leaning tower of Pisa of a structure in my bathroom - an over the toilet unit that had collapsed against the wall due to moisture. I managed to score some free skateboard decks from a local board shop that I am going to mount as shelves instead, as soon as my artist friend paints them for me. If this is a good habit that I can maintain for the rest of my life, it would be a very good thing...

On other cleaning news, I got a vacuum this month. A real, big girl vacuum. I'm officially a grown-up (not).

May is Money Month. A year and a half ago I was awesome with money. People were always coming to me for advice. After moving into Vancouver, I saw how well I was doing and started to "relax" a bit. Relaxing turned into slacking off which turned into a series of poor decision which eventually lead to my financial ruin. Whoops. Time to get back on track.

My resolutions for May include:

Make a budget
Find a better system for recording hours, wages, tips, and tip out.
Get a new day job
Spend less/Prioritize
Switch bank accounts to one with lower fees or switch banks altogether
Get a credit card

I do have some tips that I will post separately. I'll include my budget for everyone to see. Some would say it's personal, but I look at it as a tool that someone else could use for learning. I've been doing pretty well so far. I eat mostly at home (but could do better) and have stopped all unnecessary expenses. The two things I am struggling with: Netflix and my gym membership. Netflix is $10 a month and my gym is $40 and neither really fit into my budget. But since I've cut eating out from my budget, it's nice that my boyfriend and I can watch a show off of Netflix. And my gym... I'm having trouble viewing this as an unnecessary expense. It's health, right? My body is important. The thing is, I've allotted $50 to dance classes a month, but that isn't really enough to keep me fit. I can run, walk, and bike for free, but none of that is equivalent to weight lifting. I have to give 30 days notice to leave anyway. My $40 fee includes all the classes as well which I do take advantage off. I would only be paying $30/month if I signed a year contract but I always feel that as an actor I have to be ready to up and move at a moments notice, if I had to. I would hate to have to pay $120 just to get out of the contract. Maybe it's worth it.

What is Self-Confidence?

Time for a self-evaluation.  

Do you ever: 

Let what other people think affect what you say, how you act, or what you do?

Avoid taking risks because they are out of your comfort zone and you are scared of failing?

Try to cover up your mistakes or problems before anyone notices them?

Applaud your own virtues out loud? Seek approval of other people by mentioning a good deed you did?

Dismiss compliments? Eg. "I like your hair." "Oh it's nothing. Anyone could do it." or "Yours is better!"

Compare yourself to other people, celebrities, etc?

Let something you read in a magazine or heard on TV affect how you act or dress?

Think negative thoughts about yourself because of something that someone said?

We are all human, but if you answered 'yes' to any of these, you may want to consider drawing some attention to these areas of your life. We all have our moments, but if you find yourself in moments like those weekly, follow this blog. I've come up with a series of suggestions on how to raise your self-confidence without looking like a prick. Stay tuned for these posts. 

What exactly is "self-confidence"? Yesterday I discussed what I think it looks like, but here is the actual definition:

Self-Confidence has two contributors: Self-Efficacy and Self-Esteem. Self-Efficacy is gained when we see ourselves mastering skills and accomplishing goals that matter to us. Having this kind of confidence assures us that, if we work hard and are willing to learn in one particular area, we will succeed. It also helps us deal with and accept difficult challenges and helps us to keep going and pushing forward when we encounter setbacks. Self-Esteem is a more general sense that overlaps with this. Self-Esteem helps us cope with what is going on with our lives and reminds us that we have a right to be happy. Part of this can come from the people around us. When the people in our lives approve of us by loving, encouraging, and supporting the things we do, we feel good about doing it, but depending on that feeling of approval is risky, because it is not always in our control. True self-esteem comes from feeling good about what we do, knowing that what we are doing is right and virtuous, knowing that we are capable of doing what we are doing, and knowing that we can do anything we put our minds to and we will be successful. 

Doesn't that just sound ideal? I want that! Unfortunately I can't just put this atop my Christmas list and hope Santa deems me a good girl this year. Like I said before, it can only be something I find for myself from within.

Just to start to you with something to think about until the next post!

Happy pondering!

March

It's been a while since I've posted about Happiness Project, but March's focus was supposed to be channeling my inner child by having fun with my hobbies.

I spent a lot of time thinking on this topic (and a lot less doing). What are my hobbies? Immediately my mind jumps to what seems obvious: musical theatre - singing, dancing, acting, and that whole lot, but some would argue that those things are also my passions as well as my [attempt at] line of work. This lead to a lot of brainstorming of the things I like to do that don't involve performing.

I love reading... Specifically stories of love and/or adventure. I love autobiographies by people I admire and I like books that have something to teach me - call them self-help, if you will. I am currently reading The Passage by Justin Cronin (action/adventure/end-of-the-world-type story) and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (I really think every human being should read this).

I love writing... My blog is one way that I do this. My other project is a screenplay for a TV series I'd like to produce sometime. I have a great idea for a novel that has yet to extend from the first page and I like to write stories and would love to complete another play.

I love food... Baking, cooking, trying new restaurants. I don't bake very often, and don't even cook as much as I'd like/should. My specialties [at the moment]: Pizza, Milkshakes, and Handmade Burger Patties. I try to a new restaurant every week but it gets expensive to dine out too often.

I love arts and crafts... Scrapbooking and cardmaking, which I never do anymore because I feel like I don't have enough space and the supplies is so expensive. I have a rug hook project that I've been working on for years and I've recently taken up making bath products. I mastered the bath bomb and am now perfecting all the different scents and may start selling them on Etsy.

I love home improvement... DIY projects, interior decorating, organization. I had to cool it on this one for a while because I was spending too much money.

I suppose you could call my choices of exercise and fitness hobbies... I go to the gym to use the treadmill, weights, and machines. I take the occasional Zumba or Dance Fitness class. I tried several different kinds of yoga but - sorry yoga enthusiasts - it just ain't my thing. I walk and run around my neighborhood and swim laps at the leisure centre. Yes, mostly cardio-based, but hey, it's all I need right now!

Shopping (very seldomly), movies, and music are the typical hobbies of young females so I don't feel the need to elaborate on those.

I feel as if I've composed a fairly good list of hobbies here!

I touched on each of these once over the last 3-4 weeks. Not terrible with all the other things I have on my plate!

We'll just touch on Friendship February for a moment here. On Family Day I went out for brunch at Cafe Crepe with fellow alumnus from college. I invited another alumni out on a separate day, but she didn't respond. I feel as if I have grown quite apart from all the friends that I graduated college with and I haven't made a whole lot of new ones here in Vancouver yet. Maybe I should have focused February on finding new ways to make friends instead! I did sent out a couple of letters and that is the extent of my having a social life this month. *sigh*

February

January's resolutions were harder than expected, specifically not being on my phone all the time, especially at work. I found that during lunch time at my day job, I would get so bored that I would pull my phone out, and then I felt kind of stuck to it for the rest of the shift, even when other things I could have done emerged. I didn't find the time to meditate every day (or... ever), but I did pay more attention to my senses. My food tasted better if I just took a minute to enjoy it. I smiled at the rain, or occasional sunbeam, and the sounds of traffic and reminded myself how much I love this city. I paid attention to familiar smells and touched everything I could. I found the latter particularly helpful during rehearsals for the play that I'm in. Touching everything really helped me get to know my set. This is will always be a work in progress for me, especially with the constant upgrade of technologies that surround us in this day and era. Time to move on for now.

Friendship February

Make time to attend social functions

Take the initiative to plan coffee dates, drink dates, breakfast dates, etc myself

Use technology to my advantage - Call, Email, Text, Facebook friends on daily basis to just check in

Ask questions

Listen

Offer support

Remember birthdays

Write letters

Show appreciation

So... anyone want to go for coffee this month? ;-)

Paradoxes

Okay I know this makes me a huge nerd, but I love the subject of the English language. I was in AP English and Literature in high school and it is still one of my favorite topics. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, analysis, and my favorite - literary devices. And my favorite literary device? Paradoxes. I've always loved the idea that it takes both an idea and its opposite in order for the idea to exist in the first place. Are things black and white or are they just different shades of grey? It's possible to believe both extremes at the same time! Whenever asked to describe myself I almost always use the phrase "a walking paradox". I will admit that I could possibly be the weirdest person you know. I'm so "on the fence" about everything that I've been told that one can never guess where I stand on any topic. For example: I'm a Christian. I read the Bible and pray daily. I believe in integrity and doing good, but I also believe in karma and the law of attraction. I believe having sex before marriage is healthy, that same sex marriages are just as holy as opposite sex marriage, that having relationships with multiple people is not wrong if everyone is open and honest about it. I believe a life is a life the minute the egg is fertilized and I could never ever get an abortion, but I believe it should always be an option for others and I'll never judge someone for getting one or refer to it as murder... Stuff like that. This isn't supposed to spark a huge pro-choice/pro-life or religious debate. It's simply an explanation to how much I love paradoxes. I'm going to compile a list here of some of my favorites. Enjoy!

"How uncanny an animal this life was, that you had to seize it and let go of it at the same time, that you had to enjoy but also plan, live every minute and die every moment" - Vikram Chandra

The days are long, but the years are short. - Gretchen Rubin

Be Emily. Accept myself, but also perfect my nature.

Think about myself so I can forget myself.

Work on your own happiness so you can make other people happier.

Lighten up and don't take oneself so seriously. But also, take oneself more seriously.

Don't waste time - Learn to spend time efficiently. Don't forget to wander, play, fail, read at whim.

Don't lose your ambition, but be free from envy and fear of the future. Live fully present in the moment.

Be mindful of the moment. Enjoy each to the fullest. Reflect on the past to learn from mistakes. Remember errs and then forget. Plan for the future. Go with the flow.

Key elements of happiness: Control, Mastery, Novelty, Challenge

Everything matters and nothing matters

"Everything matters more than we think it does, and, at the same time, nothing matters so much as we think it does. The merest spark may set all Europe in a blaze, but though all Europe be set in a blaze twenty times over, the world will wag itself right again.” - Samuel Butler

In being happy, one might not always feel happy.

Somewhere, keep an empty shelf; somewhere, keep a junk drawer.

Flawed can be more perfect than perfection. 

Worse is better. 

Go slow to go fast.

Do it now. Wait. 

Think big. Think small.

“There are trivial truths and great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true.” - Niels Bohr

“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up.” - Mark Twain

"If there is an exception to every rule, then every rule must have at least one exception; the exception to this one being that it has no exception." "There's always an exception to the rule, except to the exception of the rule—which is, in of itself, an accepted exception of the rule."

"Moderation in all things, including moderation"

"I know that I know nothing at all."

It seems like you can replace any component of a ship, and it is still the same ship. So you can replace them all, one at a time, and it is still the same ship. However, you can then take all the original pieces, and assemble them into a ship. That, too, is the same ship you began with.

Balancing my performing life with my serving life often feels like a paradox. I love performing and want to do it as much as possible, and obviously I would love to be paid for it all the time, but that is just simply not the case right now. I must offer to do shows for free sometimes or risk hardly doing any shows at all. Also, there is a lot of time and money needed to dedicate to improving my craft. Performers require many coaches and classes to perfect their skills - voice coaches, singing lessons, acting classes, dance classes, etc. These things cost both time and money. My night-time job at a fine dining restaurant is fantastic. I make good money there and I enjoy it, but it only earns me enough to pay for the basics of food, transportation, and living expenses. So my days are free to take the dance classes I need, but I don't have the money to pay for them. So I took a second job that I work in the day time. This job provides me with enough money to pay for all the coachings and classes I need, but now I don't have the time to do them because I'm always working. So the paradox is that I either have the time to do classes but not the money, and if I work more to make the money, I no longer have the time to put it to good use. 


Just some ideas to mess with your mind a little. I would love to hear any relevant paradoxes you feel in your life!

January

January's goal is to Enjoy the Moment (Mindfulness).

Focus on the pleasures of the task at hand
Stop trying to multitask - Do one thing at a time
Slow down
Take a deep breath
Turn off the phone when focus is needed
Check email and Facebook in the morning and at night, but not in between
Remember that it's okay to be happy
Hone in on my senses - touch things, smell, taste, listen
Meditate 5 mins 3x day.

This is a hard one to set goals for. It's more of a state of mind than anything. So I guess the big goal of the month is to just be aware of being mindful and trying to stay in the moment. This is going to be a difficult month for me. I am used to doing at least numerous things at once - on my phone, at work, etc. Also, I had a friend pass away and I find myself lost in thought a lot. I know this is part of the grieving process but he would have wanted me to continue enjoying life. I need to get out of my head and be thankful to be alive. I'm here. Right now. Enjoy it.

December Check-In

Wow! What a crazy month! With extended hours at work and coworkers booking time off for Christmas parties and related events, I'm surprised I even made time to shower. My goals for December all involved making time for my passions and hobbies, which I managed to do once or twice each, but unfortunately not more.

Seek mentors and coaches - acting, voice, guitar, piano

Have been emailing back and forth with a potential voice coach. We made one time to meet but it had to be cancelled at the last minute so we will make another time in the New Year.

Go to dance classes

Made it to Eric Malapad's Grooving class at Harbour a day or two before I left to come up north to visit family. I had a lot of fun - will definitely be returning to this class some time in the new year
Stretch every day

Fail
Find time to make crafts and watch movies

I think I managed to do this twice in the month of December. Not too bad!
Research further education

I definitely accomplished this one! I made a chart to compare all of my options and have decided to apply to Langara, Vancouver Acting School, and Capilano for next year!
Indulge in time to submit to agents and research auditions 

Hmm... Not so great at this one
Prepare for auditions as regular basis

I did practice tap dancing in my kitchen once or twice... But no singing or monologue practice.

Set aside time for hobbies

Getting better, but still not perfect. Since I've been home visiting my parents, I've had a ton of spare time to just lounge around and do fun projects on my computer, watch TV, which is great. I couldn't bring all my craft stuff up with me - that would have been silly, but I have been reading and taking baths. I even tried something new! I went snowboarding for the first time with a bunch of elementary school friends! Fun! And went shopping with my dad and have been going out for lunch. Now the trick is to not get super stressed out when I get back to Vancouver.

November/December

November's focus was beauty - inside and out.

I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to add anything new to my routines. That's the trick though, isn't it? Making the time to do what is important to us. Don't give up on me yet. I haven't. All is not lost. So I've been failing at the Happiness Project for the last couple months, but that is not to say that NO improvement has been made and these are all things I will continue to work on in the future.

November's Goals:

Floss every day
Start using mouth wash
Smile even when I don't feel like smiling
Cut back on coffee, red wine, and pop - Drink through straw whenever possible (HA!)
Find a fluoride night treatment
Drink water after every meal
Get a tongue scraper
Stop brushing wet hair. Get a wide toothed comb
Get a heat protecting spray
Experiment with hair styles that use no heat or products
Drink more water
Rinse with cool water
Try a new hair cut!
Find deep conditioning treatment
Invest in good quality hair brush
Allow enough time in morning for hair to dry properly
See dermatologist
Always take off make up before bed and/or working out (Carry wipes with me to bf's house)
Buy proper exfoliator and astringent
Get a pumice stone and cuticle pusher
Take off nail polish as soon as it starts to chip
Recolor tattoo
Incorporate foot exercises, massages, and stretches into daily life
Remember to wash feet in shower
Moisturize feet before bed
Cut down on sugar
Eat breakfast
Pack a healthy lunch and snacks
Limit eating out to three times a week
Go to bed at 12:30 every night
Wake up at 8:30 every day
Sleep with blinds and window open and lots of covers
Walk and bike more
Aim to hit the gym twice a week, the pool once a week, and at least one dance class.
Splurge on a few new wardrobe items
Invest in proper fitting bras
Finally get those ear piercings I've always wanted
Indulge in a massage

I was especially successful in improving my sleep patterns. I did get a new hair cut, drank more water, rinse with cooler water, cut back on coffee, started carrying around face wipes with me and washing make up off before exercising/bed more frequently, made an appointment to see a dermatologist, and ate out less. Great start, I think!

December's Goals:

Seek mentors and coaches - acting, voice, guitar, piano
Go to dance classes
Stretch every day
Find time to make crafts and watch movies
Research further education
Indulge in time to submit to agents and research auditions
Prepare for auditions as regular basis
Set aside time for hobbies

Wish me luck!

New Haircut!

September/October

I haven't posted anything lately about my Happiness Project.

Inside of Maria's Taverna

My focus for September was work (go the extra mile). I figured that September would be the perfect month to do this since I was arriving back to Vancouver from Rossland and would be looking for a new job right away. I did concentrate on work for the whole month, but I didn't have specific resolutions. I arrived back in town on September 3rd after my birthday trip to Tofino and on September 4th I handed out 10 resumes. I handed out 10 more on September 5th. On September 6th, I was in the middle of handing out more when I got a phone call from Gelsy at Kitsilano Daily Kitchen asking me if I wanted to come in for an interview that afternoon. I went straight there and met Brian and got instant good vibes from everyone there. They offered me a trial shift for the following Monday (the 10th). While I was talking to Brian I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I got a voice mail from Lori at Maria's Taverna asking me to come in the following day (Friday the 7th) for a training shift. No interview, no trial. Just training and if I didn't suck slash everyone liked me, I would have the job. Since Daily seemed a little higher end, I was worried that I wouldn't end up getting the job after my trial shift, especially when they realized how little I know about wine, so I figured that doing the training shift at this other place first wouldn't hurt. And that was it. I ended up getting hired at both, so I do lunches at Maria's five days a week and then evenings at Daily three to five times a week. I spent the month of September being punctual, learning/training, asking questions, working as part of the Daily team and being my own manager at Maria's, and dressing appropriately for each setting. I like both of my jobs. I think that eventually I will just work at Daily full-time, but I can't consider that until I am a full-time server making tips. And it's kind of nice right now to be paying off some loans and whatnot. So I guess I get an A for Work-September.

Outside of Kitsilano Daily Kitchen

Now on to October, which is also almost done. This month my focus was family (building bridges). I have a little resentment and hurt that I've carried into my adult life from childhood and I've been especially focusing on letting that go. The past is the past, right? And I can't change who my family members are as people and I have to just accept them for who they are and the choices they make, even if it doesn't make sense to me or if it makes me angry, or if it's different from the philosophy in which I live my life. This is hard to word into a specific resolution because a lot of it is so internal. I've been trying to refocus my thoughts. Whenever I start to think something ill about a member of my family, I stop, take a deep breath, do a little shake (if I'm alone), and think of something positive about them instead - something they've taught me maybe, or something I'm thankful for about them. It's been helpful. There are still a lot of unsaid (and hurtful) thoughts up there floating around in my brain, but at least now I feel like there is a healthy flow happening and I feel less like they are a dormant bomb waiting to explode which the right trigger.

My physical resolutions to help me maintain healthy relationships with my family members were to call Mom and Dad once a week, which hasn't happened. I honestly can't afford (time or money) to talk to my Mom once a week because every phone call lasts over an hour. I call my dad every couple of days, but he picks up on average one in every four times, so I'm lucky if I talk to him once a month. I try to call other family members once in a while, but a lot of them are too busy to pick up the phone and/or call me back. I called my oldest nephew, Noah, on his birthday and left a message, but no one bothered to call me back to even say thank you for the good wishes. I'll keep trying to stay connected, of course, but it is a two-way street. I've got a large and complicated family, but if they don't want to be close with me, it's really their loss because I have a lot to offer as a member of this family. I said I was going to text my brother something at least once a week. I texted him on Thanksgiving and he said he missed me and stuff, so that was nice. I haven't texted him since though. I don't know what to say to be honest. He has made it quite clear to me that he doesn't want my sage advice on any life matter and he resents the way I live my life and thinks I judge the way he lives his (which I do, to be fair), and I assume he doesn't want to hear the little details of my life, which he would probably interpret as bragging anyway. I feel like the only things I could safely text him are funny little pictures or stories that I come across every once in a while, but those happen so scarcely and I'm always worried he'll be in a bad mood and not think its funny or take it the wrong way or something. I know I'm a weird person, but I don't want my little brother to think I'm a complete loser.

The only family that I have around physically is my niece, Meegan, who lives in Surrey with her boyfriend, Allen (which is the same name as my brother, Meegan's father, so don't get confused) and her two sons, Lyric and Saren. Lyric turned two in July and Saren was just born a couple of weeks ago and I haven't actually met him yet. Meegan has an older sister, Jacqueline, who is technically my niece as well, but she has never shown interest in having a relationship with me, despite my offers to be in her life. She lives in Surrey too, but I haven't seen her in probably 15 years. Meegan and I get along great though and I love that we have the relationship that we do. I want to make the commitment to have a "family day date" with them once a month. I want to be the awesome aunt to Lyric that takes him out to do fun stuff and have family dinners with the whole family. I'd even consider living with them one day and us really being a big family for a while. I had plans with them last Sunday but had to cancel to film a short. It'll happen soon though.

It just occurred to me now that working on my family tree every day would have been a great resolution for this month, but it's a little late to make it a monthly goal now. I'll have to find a way to incorporate more research into my life though. There is still so much missing on it and I should get as much information as I can about the family before some of the members pass on. What a cool keepsake it would be to have it all documented in some form.





Well that's it for this month. I'm sorry that it was a lot less organized than August's resolutions, but it will get better, I promise. Until next time, keep smiling - remember that you are in control of your own happiness!

xo Emily